holidays...

i wanna go for a holiday.. like a real, go off to an island or someplace and really just not think about work. just take a slow walk by the beach, enjoying the wind in my hair, then have a nice pampering of sorts - massages, facials, sauna.. god, it'll be heaven.

somehow i kept thinking about Sabah.. i want to go and enjoy the mindblowing seafood.. take a dip in the warm, clear blue waters.. ahhhh. perhaps that'll be a good choice for my first getaway since i started working.

holidays vs. no money.

technically, i got a 2 days off. off work at 3pm on thurs, off on friday and night shift on saturday.

but, alas, i'm so fucking broke that i have to think and rethink any plans of heading to McD.

so this little girl decided to just stay in bed, and do nothing. no wonder people think i'm fucking boring. sleeping is all i do.

So-So-So-Scandalous!

shit. never mix work with pleasure. nothing good ever comes out of it.

but we all know i always do the exact opposite of what i should.

whispers have been heard about us.

from people that aren't supposed to know shit.

oh well, no concrete evidence, deny till the end.

time to put my celeb face up and go with "no comment, i don't know anything of it" mantra.

is this goodbye?

you're leaving soon. for good.

selangor doesn't sound very far, but with work schedules and the hassle of travelling, i doubt that we'll see each other. okay, maybe once a month, once a fortnight at most. quite the change from hanging out almost every single day, night and morning like we're doing now.

will you miss me?

will you find someone new?

heh, i already have replacements waiting, not gonna deny that. but i like you. hanging out with you, being friends with you. going fucking nuts with you. you're... genuine.

i don't care what other people think of you.. you're a fucking genius. i like learning and discovering new things with you. :)

well good luck on your future endeavors, man.
you are after all a pirate and to sail away is part of your nature.

id, ego, superego.

the logical part of my brain is battling my ego.

logic (and quite a number of close buddies) have been telling me to quit this, let go of everything and get back to who i was.

but i can't. i refuse to. it's too much fun to turn back.

and no, this is not culture shock. this is me becoming, and doing exactly what i've imagined myself to be all these years. it's scary, and yet it's liberating.

i don't want to go back to being boring little old me. this IS me, now.

wise words.

someone once made the observation that despite having quite the personality, i'm also very submissive.

and it's not a bad thing.

"it takes great strength to be submissive, that's why only weak people would try to dominate things and show off their power."

soooooo, i'm a strong girl, huh? :)

lovedrunk.

you said "i love you."

i said "i love you too."

you said "i wanna keep you forever."

you even contemplated religion.

and i said i'm yours.

but we were fucking drunk. nothing counts when it's said in intoxication.

i'm regretting my words.

you can't remember any of yours. and it's better that way.

don't fall for me. i'm so fucking screwed, i'll only end up hurting you. and you're so screwed, you'll only end up hurting me.