Insignificant

If i die,

Would i be missed?

Would anyone cry for me?

Would i be remembered?

#morbidthoughts

I dont even know what i've achieved in life.

Dog in the rain.

The feeling of being so in love with someone, then having that person breaks your heart and leave you behind, forgets you and move on while you still hold on so dearly to every fragment of the wonderful memories that you've had with the person. Unlike them, you can't move on. You can't forget. You can't stop loving them. In fact, you live your life simply wishing that they would realize their love for you and would come back to you, and you thought that you'd forgive them if they would ever do.

It's like a pet dog that gets left behind as their owner move away without bringing it along. The owner is the only world it knows. The only world it has. The owner could easily get a new dog, and could easily replace their love, but the poor dog who gets left behind wouldn't know how to love another owner. So it sits and wait, tail wagging in hopes that its owner would come back to get it... and showers it with love again. It stays despite the hot scorching sun and the cold of the rain... it stays despite the hunger and thirst. It dreams of the day its owner come back to look for their dog, and it would happily run and jump into its owner's arm, tail wagging, not remembering the fact that it was left behind in the first place. All would be forgiven. Always forgiven. But the owner would never come back. The owner wouldn't even care.

And thay's exactly who i am, i'm the pitiful dog who got left behind. Sitting here with my hopes. Even if you would never come back i would still stay and hope. Dreaming to be back in your arms. Willing to forget everything you've done if you'd... just... Come... Back...

All i need...

Birthday wishlist!

1) makeup brush set. And i mean a good set. Been eyeing the Sephora brushes, Sigma brushes and the Real Techniques brushes.

2) Naked palette. Any of the Naked palette range would do for me. If someone could give me all 4 sets, i would love the person with all my heart until the day that i die. But just getting the Naked 3 or the Naked basic would make me a happy girl.

3) Fossil rose gold watch. Been eyeing the one identical to the one i have, but in rose gold. Because i like simple things that i can wear daily to work. Nothing with diamonds on them... just because diamonds can fall off..

4) a good perfume. I have loads of perfume wishes on my list... Pure White Linen by Estee Lauder, Untold by Elizabeth Arden, See by Chloe, quite a number of Victoria's Secret scents, well in short, one can't go wrong with gifting me a bottle(or two, or four..) of perfume.

5) a vacation package. Preferably near the beach or a bustling city centre. Even more preferably one that is not in Malaysia. Extra love if flight tickets are included. :)

Well hey, it's just a wishlist. I'm not putting a gun to anyone's head to get them for me. It's just to say that i'll be really really really happy to get one or more of these for my birthday. Though i know most of my closest people in my life probably couldn't afford them as gifts. I understand. In fact, even if i don't get my wishes from someone else, these are things that i would spoil myself with with my own money anyway. :)

heart. break.

i feel broken.

i feel stupid.

i feel ugly.

i feel disgusted with myself.

i feel insecure.



they say love like you've never been hurt before. so i did. i opened my heart, i give second chances.

somehow it always proves to be a mistake, to give second chances.

i thought, "seems different this time, he looks sincerely interested."

i thought, "i promise i will not get invested with feelings this time. i'll keep a clear head."

but still when the walls come crashing down, no matter how i tried to keep a clear mind, i always end up getting hurt. end up feeling stupid. end up feeling broken.


maybe it's not for me, this thing called love. i'm just not good enough for someone to love me for me.