light in the dark.

after all that had happened, the timing couldn't be better. i need a new start. make new friends. get out from this department and all of its scandals. get myself rid of the stench of affairs with that toxic man.

maybe it's a sign. that this is really what i should do. now that i got the ball rolling, everything else just falls into place.

Thank you,God.

i received a news today that i'm going to be transferred to the clinics. whether it's an inter-departmental move or i'll be changed to a different department altogether, i'm still unsure. but what's certain is that i will no longer be in the Urology-Nephrology Wards.

the news certainly came as a surprise. and i'm very saddened that it has to come just about when i'm starting to love this damned ward. just as i started to get used to the chaos and hecticity.

but as it sinks in, as i gave it more thought, i'm thankful. very very thankful. i'm reaching a point where i can no longer trust the people i was friends with in the department. maybe it would be good for me to meet new people, make new friends.

plus, working in the clinics means that i'll be working on office hours. awesome for me, since i am planning to continue my studies as a part-time student, and needs the free weekends anyway.

again, I thank you, my dear God. :)

the other other woman.

i guess there's a reason i was sent for the course.

to be away from you.

to finally see what kind of a person you are.


i can't believe the very person i made friends with at the course is my competition. there she was, all smiles with me, making little jokes, eating at the same table, going out shopping together, and yet she was a threat.

it hurts me to see her sitting right in front of me, clutching her phone tight, waiting for a message reply on her phone so excitedly, only to see your name plastered on her phone screen. the very nickname that supposedly only for me to call you. and what hurts me most is that you dared to double task me and her at the same time. wow, that is some good multitasking skill you have, mister.

i was suspicious when you knew where i was, down to the ride that i was on, when i had never mentioned where i was in the conversations. but you refused to answer when i asked how you knew. i bet she's the one who told you.

the evidence was right in front of me, the least you could have done was tell me the truth. but you dare say that you don't even know her. BULL-fucking-SHIT.

you don't know her????

YOU DON'T KNOW HER?????

then how the fuck in hell did you get her number?
how the fuck in hell could she have a long page of conversation messages with you on her phone?
how the fuck in hell could she call you by a fucking pet name??

let me guess. it's just the same way you got mine. the same way you got me hooked on you. the same way you made me think i was special. God knows you've probably bed her too... and you've probably told her she was the only one too.

i've told you i'm not about to be part of your little collection. telling me that i wasn't is just another lie you threw my way. you thought i was stupid. i CHOSE to be stupid for you.

i don't want to compete for you. i've had enough. it's a game i know i'm not ever going to win. because no matter how hard i try to please you, in the end it's not like i'll ever have you. you're already taken by someone who doesn't even have to fight for you. the one you're willing to travel a thousand miles for. so here i am, i'm walking out from the game. go ahead, keep messaging that other other woman, keep telling her she's wonderful, keep her around. because i won't be.

i'm done with you. i'm sorry.

Rihanna.

i get why Rihanna gets back with Chris Brown. to feel like the key to your happiness is the very person that brings you only so much misery. and you would do just about anything to make them happy, even if hurts you deep inside.

i guess i played with fire, and i got burned, just as i deserve.

sigh.

at this point, i don't even know where we stand.

are we even friends?

do i even know you?

"regardless of what you think, you're very important to me."

yes yes, you are very important to me too. :)

Me: Bachelor Degree student?

when i first started working, i told myself (and my mom) that i see myself working for a year, and then i will start pursuing my degree, and maybe after that, God willing, a masters' degree.

one year. that was my plan.

but when i started working, i discovered that the hecticity of life in the hospital proves to be too much to handle. i had a lot to learn, and the transition into working life kind of took a little to long to settle. life was a little too chaotic to juggle as it was, it would be crazy to add further study into the mix.

but now, one and a half years after, i think it's a good time to get back to my initial plan. maybe the timeline's a bit off, but it's ok.

after much contemplation, i finally decided to open the Open University website, fill up the online application form, and hit submit. so there.

so they are saying i'm technically in, all i have to do now is submit all the necessary paperworks and payments within 2 weeks and i'll be a Bachelor Degree in Nursing Science student.

oh. my. God. can i handle it? juggling the working life with a study life? i'm definitely nervous. it's gonna be hard, but it's got to be done... i definitely don't plan on being stuck in this rank forever.

be strong Muzlia, this is all for your own good. :)

done.

well well well.

lookie who decided to pop back into my life. Mr Tall, Dark and Sexter.

what happened? tired of being pussy-whipped by your ugly-ass fiancee? your strings of other chicks got sick and tired of your sex-and-awkward-moments ways? missed me now that you're not getting any?

so you reappeared in my life, pretending to be a "friend" and asking how i'm doing.

i'm doing MIGHTY fine without you, thank you.

but your true colours show. asking if i missed you, reminding me of "special" moments we shared. pffft. mind you, ain't nothing "special" we shared.

so guess what. i'm not going to entertain you. enjoy playing with your hand. bet you'll enjoy lots of "special" moments together. :)