dumps.

argh. had 5 days of bliss without having to think about work... then comes back to all sorts of crazy shits, fuck, i think i was near to a nervous breakdown. back to day one, where everything is a blank.

in the end i left work with some work still unsettled. gets called from ward about those unsettled workloads, but i can't give a fuck anymore. my body hurts, it's been hurting for the past couple of days. my heart hurts because HE is on call. i just want to fucking sleep and never have to wake up again. but i can't. i have to wake up tomorrow... at 5.30am to be exact. the fact that i'm switching from PM to AM shift is not helping.


some days i feel like i need psychotherapy, and this is one of those days.

random ME fact.

despite my work as a nurse, i actually hate going to visit people in the hospital.

partly because being a nurse, i know how fucking annoying patients' visitors can be. "uh, nurse, the IV drip is not dripping," "erm, can you help to change the clothes, it's a tad bit dirty," "hey, can i get some pain meds? i have a headache,"
seriously people. sometimes i feel like flipping people off whenever visitors approach me during visiting hours. like, go fucking fuck fuck yourself. if the guy is not dying then he's fine.

and another part is the gloominess that hospitals always have. i hate it. it's almost as if i feel like whomever that i go to visit at the hospital is having some sort of a terminal illness that they can never overcome, and they will just end up in the morgue. i know, morbid thoughts. but it's just this weird thing i can't get rid off my brain.

Crazy?

there are moments in life where i question my sanity. the fact that i seem to think and behave differently compared to others. but maybe I've matured, maybe i'm just tired of questioning myself, but now i embraced who i am. i'll be whatever the fuck that makes me happy.

Rules of life.

Hmm..

God.

back in the game.

yeah..

so, abstinence has never been my best quality. i can't ever stay away from things i like, even when i know it's flat out bad.

and so, yeah, the whole sexting thing is.. back on. with a vengeance. lol.

at least i'm being honest to myself. that's important to me. :)