body image.

looked at some old photos back when i was a child, and i realized that i was not the "cute kid" or the "pretty one" of the family.
funny, i never thought of it all these years. and not that i looked at the photos only to scrutinize myself, but it was just something i noticed as i was browsing the pages of old family albums. the big sister has always been the demure, pretty one. the little sister has always been the charmingly adorably cute one. then there's me. the scrawny thin kid with odd hair and a mole on the face.

i guess that explains my fascinations for makeup and my obsession on plastic surgery back in my teen years. yes, i was obsessed. but as far as getting one, getting rid of my facial mole was the first and the last. ha ha. not that i don't want any more, but the cost of getting one overshadows the benefit. practical-minded me will not allow myself to get it.

and after all these years, as a grown woman, i'm more comfortable being in my own skin. more accepting of my flaws. they're still flaws, but I've decided that i'm okay with them. there are times that i would look at my siblings and think "yeah, i'm the pretty one." who cares if it's untrue. it's true in my mind and that's all that matters. :)

and, not that i want to condone committing sinful acts, but yeah, recently i ventured into the dangerous world of picture sexting. :P
it's highly addictive, and partly because i found it highly liberating. i've always dealt with body image issues due to my thin frame. i always thought i have "a boy's body". my boobs are not big enough, my butt is not big enough, i don't have that hourglass figure that every men seem to crave for. but taking pictures of myself and having someone telling me that i look perfect despite my insecurities (hell, the dude was probably saying sweet things just to get into my panties but who the fuck cares) is definitely an ego booster for me. i found that i'm more appreciative of my body now. like, i don't need big boobs, i'm fucking sexy as i am now...

so, i'm not even sure what i'm trying to say, but, hey, just be happy and accept yourself. at the end of the day beauty is how you look at yourself. :)